So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
