I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We don't watch enough power rangers
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
