Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Randomize
