I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I need water and some morals
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
