I'm gonna have a badass scar
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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