We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
