The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
