If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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