I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
