Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
