I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
