apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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