The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
