Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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