i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
