we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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