Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
