Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
