Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
