I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
