Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
