My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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