I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
