and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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