I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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