Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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