somebody snuck up and got me drunk
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
