My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
