Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize