Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
