last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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