Sacagawea was the original milf.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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