from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
