I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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