need another drink. this is the easiest way
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
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