I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
