You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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