Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
