Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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