Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
