Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
