As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I touched a dick in church today
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize