this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
