Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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