Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize