i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
