I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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