i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
