Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I CAN MOONWALK!
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
God I need to hump something, right now.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
