just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
