I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
