So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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