Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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