I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I didn't shave. On purpose
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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