I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
