I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
