Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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