I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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