tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize