Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
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