I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Less talking, more tequila
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
