Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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