So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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