Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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