Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
