I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
