I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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