i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
