put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
