The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize