i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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