Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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