You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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