Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize