Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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