I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
