then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You've changed since you got that strap on
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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