my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
