i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
