eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
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