I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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