My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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