just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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