eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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