Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
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