Nicole vs. Life
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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