? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
