Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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