I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
