How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
