the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
