my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
