Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
