Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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