all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
