He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
