It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
