when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
