Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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